i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
