I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
