Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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