I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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