Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
