dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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