I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
