Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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