So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
