I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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