come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
