the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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