someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
