the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
