Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
