I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
