so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
