I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Actions speak louder than pants.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
