she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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