I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
