sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
