You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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