stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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