Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
