Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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