I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
