I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
