I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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