I got chris browned last night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
