To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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