Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
