Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
