just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
