Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
