Cold hands, warm shart.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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