Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
