I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
