wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
