Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
