thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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