i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
