i would punch a child for taco bell
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bring me that man meat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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