i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
