Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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