You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
