do herpes really smell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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