She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
