I hope mine doesn't look like that
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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