Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
