Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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