Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
