i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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