im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
